Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
