Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
