Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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