So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
