Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
