hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
