she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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