It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
