Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
