dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i would punch a child for taco bell
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
