Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize