Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
he's gonorrhea incarnate
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
