If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
