well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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