He disabled his match.com account in front of me
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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