so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
honey bunches of taint.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
In other news, I just burned my penis
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
