Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
