I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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