New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize