OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
