ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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