counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
