I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
