Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
