If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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