How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
