A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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