she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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