I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
