Sponge bath it is.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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