I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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