I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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