I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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