Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
