Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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