can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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