im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
