My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize