she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
