well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
