my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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