Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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