my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I wear drunk well.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
