it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
