Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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