you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
