he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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