there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize