I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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