so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
