Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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