had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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