shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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