dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize