also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
