Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
