May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my being single is dangerous.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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