at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
