I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
