you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
