Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
