I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
