i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize