were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
