"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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