Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
