He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
