You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
