we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We talked him into tasing himself.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
