chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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