make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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