Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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