party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
