Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
