she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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