There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
