I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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