Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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