nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
