He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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