The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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