He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
