Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(912): View more from Georgia

I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers

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(904): View more from Florida

I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.

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(229): View more from Georgia

College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant

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(602): View more from Arizona

so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.

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(802): View more from Vermont

But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.

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(619): View more from California

Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"

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(708): View more from Illinois

well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?

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