I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have fence marks all over my body
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
