Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
