I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
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