So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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