Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
