Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
